| | I'm sorry I'm not good enough for your standards!
I'm sorry I'm emotional, and my temperament is shorter than a fuse!
I'm sorry I'm not skinny enough for you.
I'm sorry I'm not beautiful enough for you to love me.
I'm sorry that I'm not intelligent enough to seem mentally competent!
I'm sorry I have so many problems.
I'm sorry I'm so pathetic!!
<3 Fiona <3
A poem/vent that I had a few nights ago... I know... emo. Whatever, I get it.
I can't help that sometimes I have a few problems. Sometimes, I do need to vent a little rage. Sometimes... I just would like to be told that I am appreciated and that you do want me as a friend.
Sometimes... I would like to be human and cry in the middle of class, or scream, or laugh, for no reason, and not be looked at as if I were insane.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the edge of a knife. I'm either going to fall one way or the other. I'm either alive or dead, on any given day. Today, I think I was alive. I'm either happy or sad, somedays. Today was a happy day. I'm either loved or ignored, any day. Today... like so often, I felt ignored
Maybe I need to cut myself for attention. And maybe, just maybe, I need to act bitchy for someone to noticed me. And you know what, sometimes I have to be snobbish and show off what I got that weekend so that I be shown at least a little admiration.
I'm not a psychic. But I can read your minds. I know what you're thinking when you look at me. If there isn't a person around but me, it's alright to come and chat for a few minutes with me, but when someone comes, it's time for you to go. This says to me, "Hey, you're cool to talk with.... but only when there is no one better to occupy my time."
When you smile at me suddenly in class, at the mall, etc., I know that you are thinking: "Gee, it's so sad how she's sitting there alone, yet it seems that she's sitting right next to friends."
When I'm reading my book, and you are staring at me, but as soon as I look up and you look away, there are two possible things you are thinking. 1) "Wow, she must really like to read, she does it all the time. She must not have many friends." or 2) "Hmm.. she's kind of pretty." Always the 1st option
There are more, and I know what you are thinking. I don't have to analyze every single move you make... just the ones that I know account for something. And when you think I can't see you, trust me, I do. I'm neither stupid, nor blind.
Do me a favour. Don't pity me...... if you feel bad for me, come and say, "Hello... how are you? What book are you reading? etc." If it's a good day, I'll be really nice and I might just actually want to be your friend. If it's a bad day, and don't say I haven't warned you, I may sneer, and be a little rude.
I can't help it. I wish I could.. but I can't.... I don't know how to control my emotions. It's just too damned hard.
Moral of the story, just.... care. Be my friend if you are my friend, not my "friend."
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| | Posted 3/1/2007 10:45 PM - 4 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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